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Seeing Through The Masks We Wear

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Have you ever wondered what lies beyond the face someone is showing you? Are there thoughts running through their head that differ from the words coming out of their mouth or the expression on their face?

There is probably not a soul on earth who has not faced a situation in which someone they respected or liked revealed themselves as someone other than expected.

In a recent small-group Bible study I attended, we discussed how, in the South, it is not unusual to encounter someone who is so sweet and caring, with an amazing ability to turn a phrase, adding “Bless their heart” to deliver a socially acceptable put-down. Others will often smile—or sometimes roll their eyes—if they catch it.

As an actor, I understand that we all wear masks. We begin creating them in childhood to gain acceptance, love, and friendship from our parents, friends, and teachers. Over time we add more of them to help us succeed, get along, and improve our relationships. By a certain point in life we have them for nearly every occasion, almost like the clothes we wear: the spouse or loved-one mask, the parent mask, the close-family mask, the distant-kin mask, the work mask, the club mask, the church mask, the close-friend mask, the acquaintance mask, the professional-peer mask, the classmate mask—and the list goes on.

We are so practiced at keeping them handy that we can change masks mid-conversation if the situation requires it, depending on whom we are with.

The thickness of the mask depends on how much we want the people around us to really know us. The goal is often to wear the thickest mask with strangers and acquaintances, thinning it as relationships grow closer so that, ideally, our true heart can be seen more clearly.

When dating, we often begin with the thickest mask, hoping that as we gradually put on thinner ones our partner will remember the best foot we put forward and forgive what we are really like. In many respects, I think this works against the process of genuine connection, yet the pattern is repeated over and over by each new hopeful seeking a soul mate.

As I have traveled through life, I have watched some of the greatest interpreters of the human condition for film and television. Watching them peel away their own mask and put on someone else’s for a role was an amazing learning process. Through the years, it has given me insight into the underlying intentions of the people I meet and come to know. I have found comfort in knowing that, at least in my experience, you can generally tell when someone is earnest and honest in their deeds and words.

I am still surprised sometimes, though—often when I have not looked closely enough at the wrapping to see beneath the mask and realize that what lies there truly deserves to be hidden from the rest of the world. If we saw it, we would only want to turn away. At times there are those who pose with a smile, then slyly berate another or try to tear them down to elevate their own standing.

I wish I could say that people like this don’t exist, but unfortunately they do. These days, most bad folks don’t even bother to put a mask on except when they are trying to evade being caught.

But the neat thing is, at least from my experience, more good folks are revealed when they remove their mask than bad ones. I pray you are one of the good folks, no matter which mask you are wearing, and I hope you always use your masks to uplift and encourage others.

Read more of Randall’s work in his books in our Store.

Keeping one’s word sets the tone

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I have been told there was a time when a person was judged upon the words that emanated from his mouth.
A person’s character could be seen in his deeds and by what he would say and sometimes what he would not say.

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Keeping one’s word

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I placed the call and said, “I know you stole the money, you were the only one that had access to it. It better find its way back here by 5 o’clock or you will be dealing with a greater worry.”

Of course, the person denied the charge, but amazingly, the money found its way back where it belonged and that person was never again welcomed into my home.

Have you ever noticed that there seems to be a shift in honesty that is now reaching into our lives?

My parents, who were part of the greatest generation, taught me plan and simple, as their parents did before them, all you really have in the world is your word. By keeping your word, you show others you have integrity. By having integrity, then you gain the power of others’ trust.

“Your word is your bond,” my grandfather would say. And if someone lied to you, or lied to someone else about you, those were offenses that required quick and stern retribution against the other party.

In my grandfather’s day, let’s just say sometimes that included some fist to cuffs.

Now, let me be the first to say, I would not advocate for violence in this instance, but in my grandfather’s day fist to cuffs was the lesser means of regaining one’s honor considering many still had a gun on their hip or within reach.

Never the less, I carry the same attitude that when someone tells you something, it is the gospel and I am finding more and more as I deal with folks today, that sadly, keeping their word is not a requirement for life. In fact, to many who are part of the millennial generation, the truth is an abstract that moves and flows depending on whatever is best for their situation.

Please do not get me wrong, I am not painting an entire generation with this brush, I have found those who do keep their word, are punctual, proficient in their efforts and desire to have a good reputation.

Sadly, though, there are many who are drawn more to saying and doing what is convenient at the moment.

So I don’t leave anyone out, I am sure that we can find large numbers of baby boomers and Gen-Xers who also are dishonest, just as the childhood acquaintance mentioned above. I just seem in my own personal experience to find fewer of them. Sometimes I wonder if all the generations have adopted these traits as they have watched the permeation of reality TV and the train wrecks of lives that entertain millions often propelled by the drama of a liar, a cheat or some other malcontent.

While these are simply meanderings of my thoughts influenced by my experiences, I hope your life is less impacted by lying.

If you have influence over some younger person, teach he or she by example. Treat others with the respect of being honest and share a lifetime of integrity with them. I pray that for all of you and your families, the truth will always set you free.