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Have you got something stuck in your craw?

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You’ve probably heard the expression “They have something stuck in their craw.” It’s one of those old sayings that essentially means someone is mad or upset about something.

There’s not a day that goes by when such an occurrence can’t seep into your being and take over your thinking. It might be a passing statement uttered by a relative or friend, an encounter with a perfect stranger that catches you the wrong way, or even your closest people—wife, husband, mom, dad, children—simply getting on your nerves. These little irritations can accumulate in your craw like crumbs over time until eventually you just have to get them out.

What is a craw, anyway? It’s the pouch in a bird where food is stored before reaching the stomach. How this comparison became part of the human lexicon, I’m not sure, but the phrase has been with us since the days of King Henry VIII.

Life, with its many trials and daily experiences, can be either a path of pleasantness or miles of misery—or, of course, a mix of both. As the old Scottish folk song goes, “You take the high road and I’ll take the low road, and I’ll be in Scotland afore ye…”

With the exception of unforeseen circumstances such as accidents, illness, and unexpected losses, we largely sit in the driver’s seat. We turn the wheel, press the gas, hit the brake, and decide what gear we’re traveling in. Even when something intervenes, we still have a chance to choose how we will react to it.

I learned long ago that fretting over encounters with people who aren’t a regular part of your life is truly a waste of energy and time. Letting those moments stick in your craw is fruitless—like a barren tree. It’s the moments among our closest loved ones that most often plague the mind and keep the wheels spinning.

Recently one of those hit me and kept my thoughts turning for hours whenever my mind wasn’t occupied with other tasks. Sometimes, no matter how much something sticks with you, you simply have to find a way to let it go. I’ll be the first to admit that is one of the hardest things to do—our loved ones know exactly how to push our buttons.

Life is hard enough without letting flippant utterances steal our time, energy, and focus from what can fill our lives with joy, happiness, and hope.

Learn to let go, take the high road, and find the path to pleasantness.

Read more Randall Franks writings in his books found in the Store.

Solitude and Connection: How Do We Find Our Balance?

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For better or worse, I have spent roughly a third of my life in my own company.
Of course, you’ll say we all do that. What I mean is only my own company. My days have been filled with me pursuing my goals and doing whatever I felt would be productive.

One might call that lonely. At times it feels that way, but by and large those moments are fleeting. The hours are consumed by activity—striving toward physical, creative, or career goals. It is nice, however, to have someone to talk with about what you’re doing. Those people are usually our closest friends or family members. Finding someone who truly fits that bill has always been difficult for me. My family maintained a great deal of privacy, and that is still our way.

It may sound like a contradiction for someone who has spent so much of his life in public roles—as an actor, entertainer, or public servant—but I have always tried to guide my steps with balance. Only a few people have ever brought me to the point of raising my voice, and they were almost always immediate family members or a long-term girlfriend who had become like family. Even then, I rarely initiated conflict. I never liked arguments; I saw them as a waste of energy that rarely helped accomplish the task at hand. Sometimes, though, the other person simply has a “mad on” and needs to get it out. In those moments you can either absorb it quietly or respond in kind.

As an actor I’ve learned that conflict lies at the heart of drama. It’s what keeps audiences glued to show after show and movie after movie. I know how to portray theatrical conflict convincingly—because I’m paid to do exactly that. In real life, however, my walk is smoother when I engage with others in a civil and logical manner.

According to my beliefs, we pass through this life only once. I would rather spend it making strides toward goals that benefit both myself and the world around me. I want to uplift others, to keep learning and growing, and to create artistic work that moves people. These things give me balance. Everyday tasks can still tilt me off center—they often feel tedious—but they are necessary steps toward the larger goals.

Is life better without solitude? I would say those blessed with a strong family are tremendously fortunate, even when that blessing brings intense moments of fellowship (and friction).

Would I trade what I have for it? There are days I miss the large, noisy family that once surrounded me. As time passes and more of us are gone than remain, the daily walk grows a bit harder. The void is filled with friends, but even those relationships can thin with the years.

My advice is simple: start early. Build a strong immediate family that cares for one another. Strengthen ties to blood relatives and keep them close. Cultivate lasting friendships—remember that to have a friend, you must be one. Even those of us who walk with God as our constant companion benefit from having people we can reach out and touch. They are not avatars on social media. They are flesh-and-blood souls who share the journey.

Find more of Randall’s writings in his books in our Store.