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Dirt Road Wisdom: The Gift of Grandparental Grace

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THIS COLUMN MARKS THE OUR 25TH ANNIVERSARY IN SOUTHERN STYLE

“Thank you for all the years of allowing me to share my thoughts with you!” Randall Franks

As I stumbled along the dirt road, I would occasionally reach up and slip my hand into Grandpa Jesse‘s. When an independent streak struck, I would pull it back, managing my steps all on my own—at least for a few feet—before repeating the process once again.
No matter what I did, I could look up into his face and see a smile beaming back at me. What an amazing gift is the special bond that grows between a loving grandparent and a grandchild.
They can give so much love, and many—like mine—had the desire to share a lifetime of experience. I thank God that mine gave me the insights at a young age to listen and learn.
I think one of the greatest lessons shared with me was how to handle yourself when you realize you’ve wronged someone. It could be as simple as a misunderstanding or as serious as a downright disagreement.
From their example, I saw that one should admit a mistake and apologize to move the relationship forward. If you’re the injured party, take the first step: express your concerns and give the other person an easy opportunity to make amends.
If they choose not to, then you’ve done all you can to mend the fences.
Unfortunately, folks aren’t always in the same place at the same time.
Although Christianity teaches us to forgive, that’s an area where I’ve seen loved ones and friends struggle throughout my life.
I struggle with it myself. Oftentimes, I fall back on hardened lessons passed down through generations, rooted in centuries of tribal or clan conflicts and feuds.
I’ve watched loving, caring people—who would give you the shirt off their back—get up on their hind legs and growl when a situation involved an ancestral enemy, an ostracized family member, or a former friend.
While I received these lessons through oral stories, I’ve worked to distance myself from carrying such disputes into my own life. Some even go back beyond written records. They do add color to the stories I share, but for me, the feuds are long past.
As time passes in my life, I find I have to work harder not to add to the list with my own experiences.
It would be easy to simply write someone off—as was often the practice—and have no more to do with them once they’ve done you wrong and won’t apologize or admit a mistake.
But unless continuing that relationship is destructive, I’m striving to avoid falling into the footsteps left by my mountain highland kin through the centuries. That’s not to say there might not be a situation that calls for their approach, but I don’t know if I’m up for a good sword fight, pistols at ten paces, or gathering the clan for feudin’ anytime in the near future.
So, I think the approaches mentioned earlier might be best for all concerned. Of course, the other person does have to be concerned. If they’re not, they probably shouldn’t be that important to your life anyway.

Read more about Randall’s experiences in Appalachia in his books such as A Mountain Pearl, and Seeing Faith. Visit www.RandallFranks.com/Store

From Niagara Falls to Forever: Remembering A Brother’s Love

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As a toddler at Niagara Falls, I was determined to catch one of the huge fish I saw jumping in the churning water below the walkway. I stuck my leg through the railing, then maneuvered my head to follow. In my little mind there was no danger — only the thrill of grabbing that fish. I never considered that success might send me tumbling over the falls right along with it.

Randall and Alan Franks (Photo: Floyd Franks)

Thankfully, my older brother Alan wasn’t distracted that day. Several years my senior, he yanked me back to safety and ended my fishing career before it began. He saved my life, even if, at the time, I only saw him as the one who wouldn’t let me do what I was sure I could do.

I’m the youngest of three boys. Alan, the middle one, was my half-brother — Dad’s son from his first marriage. He lived mostly with his mom, Melba, and his stepdad, in Blairsville coming to stay with us on some weekends, alternate holidays, and summer vacations in Atlanta. When we were little, those visits were pure fun; we always found games and mischief to share. I’m sure for him it often felt like babysitting his pesky little brother.
Alan loved his mom Melba with all his heart, but he was blessed to have a second mom in my mother too. She didn’t hesitate to hold his feet to the fire, push him to reach his potential, and set him straight when she thought he was veering off course. The same she did for me. He used to laugh that Mom was a “ball of fire,” and none of us wanted to be in her path when she got on a roll.
He also had two dads. Like me, his relationship with our father could be strained at times; part of that age-old struggle when a boy starts becoming a man and tries to step out from under his father’s shadow.
By the time he charged into his mid-to-late teens, I was just starting elementary school. His heavy-metal albums and glorious afro cracked me up. For a while in his late teens he came to live with us, and I loved having him around — even if we had almost nothing in common and he was far more interested in girls than in playing with me. I remember he once talked about training to become an EMT. Life moved on. He fell in love, married Carolyn, started a family in another town, and our time together shrank to holidays, funerals, and the occasional pass-through visit.
Rotary-dial phone calls kept Mom and Dad updated on his adventures: first a job at the First National Bank of Chatsworth, then running a little place called The Chili Dog (restaurants were a subject our family knew plenty about), and always the latest news about my nieces. Eventually he joined with his brother Donny in his dream to start Atlanta Carpet Company, where he worked the rest of his life. When we lost Dad far too young, one more tether between us loosened.
Still, he was my brother — a gift from God and from our parents. After Dad was gone, whenever I hit rough patches I turned to my brothers for advice, especially about the ladies in my life. Alan had been married twice — first to Carolyn, later to Jane — so he and my brother Jerry always had more experience than I did. I treasured their wisdom, even when I was too stubborn to follow it right away.
As adults we related better — talking about life, the world, our family, and hopes for the future. His kids gave him grandchildren, and more recently great-grandchildren. 
Sometimes we get urges for a reason. Earlier this year, while performing in eastern Georgia, I felt a strong pull to reroute my drive home through Gainesville, stop in, and maybe share supper with Alan. The sensible side of me looked at the three-hour drive and the monstrous traffic I was driving in and decided on a phone call.

A few hours ago, from this writing, that same phone rang. A doctor was on the line — she’d found my number in his

Alan Franks

contacts. She told me Alan had suffered a massive cardiac arrest and they were still working on him.

Tonight that earlier decision haunts me. Yes, we talked and messaged a few times after that missed visit, but I lost my last chance to sit across a table from him in this life. I will always regret not listening to that urge.
I am comforted, though, by how proud he was of my recent music honors.
Not long ago he wrote: “Congratulations to my Lil brother who got all the talents which left me with none! LOL. The man can definitely saw a fiddle. I have always loved to hear you play. I will never forget the cross-country road trip we took with Dad and Pearl — Atlanta to Arkansas to Ohio to Niagara Falls to Canada and back home through Cherokee, N.C. You was a little guy then and drove me completely nuts in the back seat of the old blue Chevy making up songs and singing them. LOL. You have always been talented Lil bro. The award was much deserved.”
Moments like that mean little without family to share them with. Countless times I’ve been grateful Alan was there to cheer me on over the years. And there were just as many times — heart broken by a woman or by a career stumble — when I’d drive a couple of hours just to sit while he tinkered, or spill my guts on his couch about things I could only tell my brothers.
I was privileged to do the same for him — celebrate when he caught a big bass in a tournament, brag about his success in commercial carpeting, or listen to the latest story about one of his kids or grandkids.
I’ll miss my brother terribly. Tonight, with tears hitting the keyboard, I keep thinking about those boyhood rides in the back of Mom’s 1964 Chevy Malibu or Dad’s light-green 1969 Chevy truck, wherever Mom and Dad were hauling us. The destination didn’t matter. What mattered was that we were together.
I know we will be again.
Alan was an active supporter in our charity benefiting youth with the Pearl and Floyd Franks Scholarship through the Share America Foundation, Inc. If you are inclined to give a gift in his memory visit online: http://ShareAmericaFoundation.org
or by mail: P.O. Box 42, Tunnel Hill, GA 30755.

Learning to be a host

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     The sun swept across the dark wood floor forming a light spot in the shape of a heart that I noticed as my mother buzzed around the room with dishes in her hand setting the table.
On the kitchen stove, pans were gurgling as meatballs simmered in a sauce, angel hair pasta boiled with a hint of basil filling the air.
The evening was close at hand and she was expecting the neighbors over for a light spaghetti dinner and an evening of cards and conversation.
In the fall prior to election, the conversation often leaned more to political strategies of mustering the neighbors and friends to get out and campaign or vote for one of the candidates my mother was sold upon, After election, the dialogue kept to local gossip and plans for the holidays.
For me an evening such as this meant I would be relegated to the children’s table for supper and the other children and I would be occupying us in another room with a board game of some nature.
While I didn’t mind these evenings generally. Unfortunately, often times my mother’s friends had an abundance of female children. While I guess that wasn’t unfortunate to them, for me, that meant in addition to being relegated to eating with them at the children’s table and minding my manners, I would have to mind my manners all evening as we played. With the girls, there was no running like wild Indians, no rough housing, we played civilized games such as Go Fish, Monopoly, Operation, Life or whichever board game suited my guest’s fancies.
Cheating was out of the question in these circumstances. I was the host; I had to make sure everyone was following the rules including me. This action sometimes got me into some very heated discussions with my guests. I realized that sometimes girls were not the frills and lace I was led to believe as some of them would get right mean when they didn’t get their way.
If it had been a guy, we could have settled our differences with a short wrestling match or a few exchanged fists, with the victor getting their way in the disagreement and the game continued. You couldn’t do that with the girls. They might have won and then I would have never heard the end of it. Of course, I am kidding, I was taught not to fight with a girl, even though a few of them needed a whoopin’, I would have to leave that to their folks.
Now that is not to say a girl didn’t hit me a couple of times in these engagements. They did and then they would escape to the safety of the living room where the adults were engaged in civilized pursuits.
Did I ever do the same, well, let’s just say, I usually found a way to get even by pulling a return prank of some description.
After all it was my job to see all the kids had a good time. If one was acting out of line, thee best way to accomplish a good time were to bring the askew kid back into plum with the rest of us. Sometimes that took some creative comeupens.
Despite whether my guests were female or male, I did always enjoy these times when I was asked to entertain. It was an opportunity to learn some of the basic expectations for treating friends in your home,
So friends, have you taught your children and grandchildren how to be a host. Not just a friend but also a host in their home.
Depending on your customs and traditions, such a skill can lay the groundwork for opportunities in which they will serve both in their lives and at work.

A view from on high

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I slid around the edge of the roof of the house removing the gunk that had collected in the gutters. Being a musician my hands were such a vital part of my life, I always came away with them skinned up from the adventure.

Cleaning out gutters didn’t phase me at that time and I often hopped right up there no matter how high it was moving around easing the path for the rain water.

It had become a nice supplementary business to the lawns I mowed as a kid. I started those when I was around 10 and pretty much continued through college.

Even as I had achieved some notoriety performing for the Grand Ole Opry and major concert events around the country, I still mowed, raked and cleaned gutters for those long established clients I had built up through the years.

I once heard Tennessee Ernie Ford say as his career was developing, one of the criteria he looked at before moving on from something to bigger pastures, was to make sure that there was more cows in that field than the one he was already in.

I don’t think that is what kept me doing for those folks. Many of them were like family, some older and I knew it would be hard for them to find someone to replace me after so many years of my helping them. But eventually I did have to phase out of all those extra jobs and move on in life.

I even recall feeling a bit of guilt in leaving a couple in particular to find someone else to meet those needs.

While I think back fondly on those times sitting up on the roofs working with my thoughts about what I would do with my life flooding through my mind as I looked out around the neighborhood, unlike my younger self, I am no longer anxious to jump up on the roof to think.

However, I still spend time each day, thinking about what God has in store for me in life.

Dreams never seem to fade; there is always something new that is just over the horizon.

A new record, a new book, a new job, a new friendship, a new way to serve and accomplish something for someone else.

These days I still like to look out over the neighborhood as I think. Instead of sticking my hands down in the muck and filling up a bucket with it, now I find a high point on a mountainside, sit there with God’s word and take in the beauty all around me as I read, think and pray.

Perhaps it is something in the genes that I discovered as a kid looking out from those roofs, that there is an almost innate desire within me to be high up – in the mountains looking out and drinking deeply from God’s creation. It seems to renew my soul and provide a perfect backdrop to dream and ask for God’s guidance and His inspiration to know how to illuminate the path that He has in store.

Have you found your rooftop? Do you know where you can be inspired to make a difference?

If you do not have a place, I hope this week you will take some time and find a place to restore your soul as you dream for your future and what you can make happen in your family and community that will make our world a better place.