Be a connector
In this era of social media, the lives of our circle of friends and family scrolls by on our phones and tablets. Sometimes we will pause to like it or make a comment and through this we feel like we are staying connected to other people.
The reality is when we post, not everyone who are friends see it, in fact Facebook and the other social media company has structured things that way. We can have 5,000 “friends” and only a couple hundred will see what we post.
I say all that to say this…. STOP IT! This is not connection. Gaining likes and smiley faces is not a relationship with another living breathing person.
In the olden days, like prior to 15-20 years back, if you wanted to know how someone was, you picked up the phone and called. You interacted for a few minutes or longer and before you hung up you had truly connected. Some folks would even go so far as walk or drive over to someone’s house or office and say let’s go to lunch, or “Here, you got some coffee, I brought the donuts.” Then they would sit down and talk.
When I was growing up, folks often had two living rooms in the house, one was for company (living room) and the other (den or family room) for the family. One remained clean to receive folks who dropped in and the other was generally more lived in. Many folks had both a formal dining room and the a kitchen eating area.
We built our lives, our homes, our decor, expecting people to drop in for a talk, a meal, or even overnight – hence guest rooms.
This is how we connected. I have noticed that the formality of things have disintegrated over the years and now not many go out of their way for guests, in fact many don’t even bother with the old social norms of greeting folks at the door, asking them in, offering them a seat, serving a refreshment, and then just being there with them, no distractions, to just talk. When they leave, you show them out, and wave a smile as they go. In years past, there were long lists of etiquette to follow.
Today, well, folks are lucky if people even come to the door if you knock.
I have traveled much of my live passing through towns and made many friends through the years. Before we carried cell phones, if I was rolling through some where and the timing was right, I would often just stop knock on the door and spend some time with friends. I remember one time passing through Plains, I stopped knocked on the door, my friend, Miss Allie, came to the door, invited me in, offered me refreshments and we had a nice visit before I got back on the road. Being of the WWI generation, she followed all the expected Southern formalities. This trip my friends the Carters were away, so spending a few minutes with Rosalyn’s mom was a blessing and allowed me to reconnect and learn about everyone’s current status through Allie.
In my dad’s family, we had two connectors, people who managed to keep us all interwoven by regular phone calls, cards, and an outward showing of love – my Uncle Burl, who died a few years back and my Aunt Lois who left us this Mother’s Day. She was our last connector. Through her, we knew how all those we are suppose to love because of blood are doing. I realize with her death, those phone lines will no longer be burning. My weekly visit by phone will no longer occur when I got the updates on this cousin’s children or that cousin’s illness, or someone’s birthday is this week. For years I have known everything about everyone that is suppose to matter. More than I could ever glean from scrolling through social media.
That will be gone now. Our connection is cut. Now I will go through my weeks knowing less and less about family until we happen to bump into each other at a town event, store or restaurant when we spend a few moments asking about everyone and learn what’s happening. Those encounters are good but really not enough for meaningful connections.
I remember when I was a boy Sunday was visiting day. After church, we would spend the rest of the day in the car going from house to house or we would be at home receiving friends and family. You never knew who might show up, but Mom always had extra food prepared and the house was extra clean so folks wouldn’t talk. We connected regularly.
Whether by phone or in person, be the connector in your family or circle of friends. Shake the bonds of the computer age and return to real life people talking to one another face to face. You might even like it!
