Are you the player or the pawn?

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Through out history people have often enjoyed classic games of thought and strategy such as chess.
It was one of the many games that fascinated me as a youth and how many hours were enjoyed with fellow enthusiasts in competition with each other.
It was a good training ground for many of the experiences which we face in life. These may include strategizing for success in life, business, relationships and of course in battles.
Prior to the presence of the internet, there were only a handful of players in most people’s lives – family, co-workers, bosses, and friends. On average the close circle for most were less that 20 with another 30 folks who might float in and out. This allowed most of us to keep a good handle upon the interactions and impact others might have upon us and on those we might affect.
With the advent of social media outlets such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and others we now extend our circle. The sky is the limit. However, many folks follow or friend us get the opportunity to cross our welcome mat and sit down with us metaphorically in our living room. They see what we want them to and we see what they want us to. We build relationships without ever actually shaking hands or being in the same room.
I want to pose a question for you. When looking at those that you regularly allow to engage with you in social media, are they folks you would bring into your home? Introduce to your family? Trust them to watch your children, or anything that you value in life?
Does your presence in social media allow you to be a pawn for others or is it allowing you to be the player using others as pawns? Neither situation is ultimately a good one. If other’s postings make you depressed or move you to an action or an emotion which you would have not otherwise experienced, you may be acting like a pawn in someone else’s game.
Do you spend your time creating posts with an attempt to move people to do something, react or say something outside their character? Then you may be a player helping move people on the social media board in a way that fuels the negative abyss often seen scrolling past in one’s feed.
There are people out there who gain joy by pitting other people against each other and simply watching the outcome. These are the players which we are inviting into our lives. Sadly, I know some of these people and often see through the cloaked attempts claiming good which ultimately creates something bad. So, sometimes I have fell victim becoming someone else’s pawn in a battle against someone I would have not otherwise impacted.
Don’t let yourself be a pawn for a person, a cause, or a debate without taking your blinders off. Choose carefully who you allow to become the players in your life and temper your choices on your movings in other’s lives. Don’t treat other as pawns in some mind game you are playing. The game of life is so much more fun when everyone knows that a game is underway and we are all playing knowing the rules.  So, shake hands, make the first move, hit the timer and love life.

I walk behind the mower, therefore I am

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When I began my working experience, I always looked forward to the arrival of warm weather.
I could hear my wallet growing exponentially with each inch rise of the green, green grass of home.
Well, maybe more like the neighbors’ grass since I didn’t get paid for mowing our yard.
When I was about 10, I saved enough money from my allowance to buy a second hand push mower and then set out to find willing partners in my desire to become a millionaire before age 11. Well, that is a slight exaggeration, I was mainly hoping for a few neighbors who would give me $10 every couple of weeks to mow their yards.
I amassed a pretty good list of clients which kept me busy as long as my allergies didn’t get the best of me.  Al Weidenmuller was the first I think agreeing to my business proposal, but I had to learn how to deal with raking magnolia leaves prior to each mowing; next was Ed Mikell – with more Magnolia leaves.
Then as I progressed down the street, I picked up the Neils, occasionally the Reeds, who had Zoysia and I learned to hate that type of grass because it was so hard to push. Also sometimes the Grosses.
The list grew overtime and eventually I had to enlist my father to help get me to and from in his truck as I press on beyond walking distance.
I found the time behind the push mower a time to think, dream, write songs along to the rhythm of the engine in harmony with hits hum.
As I look back, sometimes I wonder where that youthful exuberance went for the activity. I kept up the business until I finished college, even adding other landscaping tasks and working sometimes miles from my home. Eventually though, I slowly weened my customers off my services as I wanted to focus on finding my fit in the professional world after earning my degree.  Leaving me with just the task of mowing my own yard.
Through the years, I have liked the task less and less, giving me the understanding of why so many were willing to accept my eagerness to mow. My late mother use to draw great joy from hopping upon the riding mower and going full speed around the task as I weeded and pushed. She looked forward to it, possibly because it was something she could accomplish with her failing health and see a positive outcome.
Sometimes now I am even blessed by the kindness of a neighbor who will knock mine out with his. I am so happy when I see his kindness and as happy when I return the favor to him.
Sometimes I miss that young boy and young man who looked forward to the inch by inch progress of the green growth, as I sit on my back porch, I look more forward to the end of the growing season and often quip, I should do like Hollywood – just kill it and paint it green so it stays the same.
No matter where you are in your synergy with the mower and the grass, I hope you find your bliss with the endeavor and make joy in the fact that I walk behind (or ride upon) the mower, therefore I am.

When life hurts

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When life hurts, how do you find your way to around the pain?
I have communicated with numerous friends of late who have expressed that they were going through some painful moments in their life.
Some moments were personal emotional issues, some were related to career elements, some were relationship connected, and some were rooted in medical problems. No matter the source of the pain, it is very real to those who are experiencing it. Thus, we should never try to minimize to the speaker what one tells us about their own issues.
What do we do? How do we share comfort? Often times all we can do is just be there. We can hold a hand, lend an ear, share a word of encouragement.
Pain is sometimes a way of tempering our internal steel in hopes we can stand against the storms that are yet to come. We can only pray that when it hits us, we have the ability to weather the gale force winds of pain upon our soul or body.
It is those who share our lives, whether in passing or day-to-day who often provide the extra measure of hope needed to overcome the darkness that rise from within in various circumstances that confront us.
I would say most of us, no matter how much we have been blessed to do in following life’s dreams have thoughts and concerns that can cause us pain.
I know I do. The pain of what if’s can swallow time, happiness, and hope when we should be focusing on what will …
The only thing that gets beyond the bending of that weight is redirecting my thoughts: What will I do today to encourage some one? What will I do to find my path?
Obviously, we all have the same basic needs. Once we have the path in place that meets those needs then we can spend the rest of our time fulfilling the promise of the dreams that God provides us.
However, pursuing dreams does not equal achieving dreams. That is not in our hands, we simply must draw our satisfaction in the pursuit. Thus, the wisdom of our founders giving us the ability to live in a country where the pursuit of happiness is possible.
Use some hours to make the world a better place, if you are in pain, find someone who is suffering also and help uplift them and you will find your pain less severe.

A view from on high

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I slid around the edge of the roof of the house removing the gunk that had collected in the gutters. Being a musician my hands were such a vital part of my life, I always came away with them skinned up from the adventure.

Cleaning out gutters didn’t phase me at that time and I often hopped right up there no matter how high it was moving around easing the path for the rain water.

It had become a nice supplementary business to the lawns I mowed as a kid. I started those when I was around 10 and pretty much continued through college.

Even as I had achieved some notoriety performing for the Grand Ole Opry and major concert events around the country, I still mowed, raked and cleaned gutters for those long established clients I had built up through the years.

I once heard Tennessee Ernie Ford say as his career was developing, one of the criteria he looked at before moving on from something to bigger pastures, was to make sure that there was more cows in that field than the one he was already in.

I don’t think that is what kept me doing for those folks. Many of them were like family, some older and I knew it would be hard for them to find someone to replace me after so many years of my helping them. But eventually I did have to phase out of all those extra jobs and move on in life.

I even recall feeling a bit of guilt in leaving a couple in particular to find someone else to meet those needs.

While I think back fondly on those times sitting up on the roofs working with my thoughts about what I would do with my life flooding through my mind as I looked out around the neighborhood, unlike my younger self, I am no longer anxious to jump up on the roof to think.

However, I still spend time each day, thinking about what God has in store for me in life.

Dreams never seem to fade; there is always something new that is just over the horizon.

A new record, a new book, a new job, a new friendship, a new way to serve and accomplish something for someone else.

These days I still like to look out over the neighborhood as I think. Instead of sticking my hands down in the muck and filling up a bucket with it, now I find a high point on a mountainside, sit there with God’s word and take in the beauty all around me as I read, think and pray.

Perhaps it is something in the genes that I discovered as a kid looking out from those roofs, that there is an almost innate desire within me to be high up – in the mountains looking out and drinking deeply from God’s creation. It seems to renew my soul and provide a perfect backdrop to dream and ask for God’s guidance and His inspiration to know how to illuminate the path that He has in store.

Have you found your rooftop? Do you know where you can be inspired to make a difference?

If you do not have a place, I hope this week you will take some time and find a place to restore your soul as you dream for your future and what you can make happen in your family and community that will make our world a better place.

The bottom of the pile

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It is hard to walk away when you are at the bottom of the pile.

I remember fondly the springs and summers. Hours of play after completing my chores around the house. Of course, as I got older, I took on odd jobs like mowing neighbor’s yards to earn a little money.

In my neighborhood, we had a great group of children. We all would gather to play and race our bikes down suicide hill.

I remember one accident that sent me flying through the handlebars and sliding down the pavement for 20 feet or more. That still hurts just thinking about it. I had sores all over me from that adventure.

There were no cell phones — so the kids were kept on what I call time leashes. When we left the house, we were expected to come back by a certain time, usually mealtime.

Of course, if any of us got into mischief, the news traveled faster than us and the punishment was waiting for us when we got home. In my case, a few choice words from Mom followed by “You just wait ‘til your father gets home.”

Those waits coupled with the sound of my dad pulling his belt out of his pants were always worse than the whipping themselves.

One thing about it, my father never punished me undeservingly, and while I can’t remember a single whipping, I sure learned the life lessons that accompanied them.

My friends and I had about a two to three-mile radius in which we played that encompassed, fields, woods, several neighborhoods and some stores. We had a Colonial Grocery Store, a Krystal, a gas station, dry cleaners and a Gulf Service Station within our travel patterns.

We would get in our share of disagreements with each other. That would lead usually to some hurt feelings and some rolling around on the ground ‘til someone would say “Uncle.” We always seemed to come through it. There really were no children who caused trouble in my age bracket. A few older ones sometimes got into mischief, but we always managed to keep out of trouble.

Do not get me wrong, there were bullies. We were just blessed not to have them on our street, at least for very long. I remember when I was about seven there were two brothers who took great pleasure in picking fights with me. At least, it seemed that way at the time.

A boy my age named Chris Sands moved in. His parents had just divorced, and at that time, it was not as usual, as it is now. I’ll never forget one meeting with those brothers that had me at the bottom of a wrestling match that I just could not win. Chris was the new guy in the neighborhood and saw that I was being unfairly targeted for this fight and stepped in to pull the other boys off me. From that moment on, he was my friend — that is until he later moved away, and I lost track of him.

While time has erased many of the memories of the time we spent together hanging out as kids, that one action by the new boy on the block sticks in my mind. He saw something that was not right, and he did something about it. Not knowing the social lay of the land and the dynamics of the neighborhood hierarchy, he stuck his neck out for me. That is bravery.

Now I’m not advocating fighting as a way to resolve issues for children or adults. I was taught that it takes much more courage to walk away than to actually fight. But when they jump on you, there are just a few hurdles you have to get over before you can walk away.

I learned a valuable lesson from Chris that day. I have always tried to stick up for others, but sadly, especially when I started to serve in local politics, I found there were few willing to stick up for you as the bullies come out to tear you down, especially during an election.

Folks often do not like to stick their neck out to help other people, but when someone does, it makes our community a better place. Even during an election, it is better to walk away and not engage in the lowering of the standards of decency often practiced by other candidates and their backers.

We are truly blessed with people who work every day to help those who face many kinds of battles.

A little funny to uplift

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One of my readers said that I needed to share a bit of comedy in my column to raise the spirits of the folks back home. Well, I don’t know if I can do that but I’m willing to take aim at it. 
One of my favorite places to find funny comments or situations is in church and sometimes the funniest thing you find relates with youngin’s and church thinkin’
I remember a few years ago my nephew asked me if he had a guardian angel. I told him ‘Sure you do. Your guardian angel is always with you.”
“Does he eat with me?” he asked.
“Sure,” I said.
“Does he sleep with me?”
“Sure,” I said.
“That must have been who kicked me out of bed last night,” he said.
 
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Now I won’t take credit for this next one, its one I heard from an older feller which will remain nameless:
Do you know where radio was invented?
Where?
The Garden of Eden.
What?
God took Adam’s rib and made the first loudspeaker.
 
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A little-known fact about Noah’s Ark:
There were three camels on board.
The first was the camel many people swallow while straining at a gnat. 
The second was the camel whose back was broken by the last straw.
And the third was the one who shall pass through the eye of a needle before a rich man enters the kingdom of Heaven.
 
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Farmer Jud and his wife Jeweldine, a childless farm couple prayed to have a child.
As an answer to the prayer, the couple received the blessing of triplets.
The preacher commented as to how their prayers were answered.
Jud said, “Yep, but I never prayed for a bumper crop.”
 
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A lady searched endlessly to find the love of her life with no success so she finally turned to prayer:
“Oh Lord, I am not asking for a thing for myself but please send mother a son-in-law.”
 
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A father asks a prospective son-in law “Can you support my daughter in the manner she is accustom to?”
He replies “ She ain’t gonna move is she?”
 
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I have always heard that bread cast on the water always returns. Bread cast on the water, may return but all the bread we send overseas sure doesn’t.
 
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Laughter has always been an important part of life in our family mainly because of the nature of our ancestors to lean towards being stoic in their approach in life. That approach comes even more naturally to me than laughter does. I am often asked “Why don’t you smile more.” My answer is sometimes “I am smiling on the inside.” Moments of joys and laughter are even more cherished to me. May laughter always fill your days because God does have a sense of humor otherwise, he would have never made someone quite like us, would He?

A tool bag full of answers

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With my nose pressed against the window, I anxiously watched for the arrival of my father from work. With him he would often carry a large, black leather tool bag which, for a little boy like me, held a world of adventure.

After dinner, Dad would spend time at the kitchen table working on various fix-it projects.

I would walk by the table where he was working on some gismo. It is amazing how many little parts would be meticulously set out where they could be cleaned, re-worked and replaced. Every tool had it’s purpose.

“Can I help you daddy?”

“Yes, son. Get me my pliers out of my tool bag,” he said.

I would search through the bag to find the pliers. With each odd looking tool I would say, “Daddy, what do you do with this?” He would tell me, even though he knew I would ask again the next time. Finally, I would find the tool he asked for and hand them over.

He would say, “Just in time.” He would do some little something with it and then set it neatly with the other tools.

Thinking back, he probably did not need those pliers, but he found a use for them anyway just so I could say I helped him fix whatever it was.

Usually as he was nearing the end of his project, I’d run in and ask, “Dad when will you be done?”

He’d say, “Soon son, soon. When I get these tools cleaned up.”

My father was a man of tools, and with them he accomplished great things. The tool bag to him was like a doctor’s stethoscope or a preacher’s bible — it helped to solve the mysteries in his life.

He had the ability to fix almost anything. I am sad to say the mechanically-minded trait did not pass down in my genes.

Much of what my father did for a living rotated around his ability to fix things.

During his life, he worked for several companies fixing everything from Singer sewing machines to Royal typewriters. The job he retired from spoke highly of his abilities to adapt to new technologies. He was responsible for keeping the computers at the IRS running. I’m not talking about these little personal computers. I’m talking about when super computers ruled the world, and they took up the space of nearly a football field.

When he passed years ago, many of his tools came to me. Some are still packed away as he left them. Many of the tools I have no idea for what they could be used. I keep them simply because they were his.

More and more, I find myself doing various jobs around the house. While I am still not mechanically inclined, with patience I usually manage to figure out how to fix whatever it is. Many times I find myself looking through his tool bag for tools that might be put to use in my objective.

My father Floyd Franks died in August 1987 and one year later in August 1988, God sent another fatherly figure into my life, a television icon to all the world, but to me someone who in many ways picked up sharing fatherly advice in my life. One day, the late Carroll O’Connor and I were standing in a pawn shop set on “In the Heat of the Night” looking into a case of tools and knives. We talked about how you can often judge the character of a man by how he cares for his tools.

If he has respect for them, that will be reflected in his life. My Dad took care of his tools and he shared that respect with me.

Today we often depend upon others to fix things we cannot. Oftentimes this tendency carries over into other aspects of our lives as we look to others to fix things which are broken.

Patience and respect will lead you to solutions that can solve many problems.

The tools to fix them are often just inside your own tool bag; you just need to take the time to look.

These are lessons, we also share with Pearl and Floyd Franks Scholars as they embark on their lives continuing the traditional music of Appalachia. Learn more about how you can help make a difference in the lives of our scholars at www.shareamericafoundation.org.

Living in the right path

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Knowing one’s best direction in life can be an ever-changing debate within your own head.
As someone who has spent their life in entertainment, I often look at my situation to weigh my perception of what I do with the reality of the logistics of life.
I find myself fretting over some aspect of where my road has taken me and wonder whether I veered from the appointed path set out for me.
Was I meant to do something different in life? Did I choose what God intended?
Those are questions that I am sure many people debate in his or her head especially as the children are screaming at each other in the back seat of the car; the bills on the table appear to be much higher that any hope of payment; or the honey do list becomes a small paperback.
I learned many years ago from actor Carroll O’Connor in a deep conversation about the human condition and differences in people that in life we often spend our time listening to the problems of others as he or she seeks empathy. He told me in that shared experience there is a sense of uplifting that the sharer can gain if received and responded to properly while the listener can overt a draining of spirit while sharing comfort.
“Everyone has the same problems,” he told me. “Different folks just have a different number of zeros attached to them.”
So in some way that list of things people endure mentioned above along with a long list of others is not unique to us. We all have moments of doubt when we wonder if we are on the right path. Shouldn’t be easier if we were? Not necessarily.
We can be within the path set forth by God before we were a twinkle in our father’s eye in His purpose for us to fulfill His mission, and life could be very difficult.
If we have accepted Christ into our life then we are in His light. We may choose to put on a blindfold at times as we make a choice outside our appropriate path but He is always with us shining His light waiting for us to reflect what He is sharing.
When I begin to sink into the questions of my choices, my circumstances, my feelings, I then remember that ultimately, I am striving in His will and if He wishes me to be in a different situation, He will open the doors, and reveal the path.
I just need to remain ready, prepared and always be working to improve the opportunities within my life, career, and my relationships with family and friends.
Carroll’s “Archie” character might have told me to “Stifle” as I began whining about my life and after a few lines proceeded with “You Meathead, You….”
Sometimes we need to say that to ourselves, “You Meathead, You!” Life is a blessing, even in the worst situation you can experience; there are others who have greater need in the world. So as “Archie” could have shared: “Be like that real American John Wayne, and pick yourselves up by your boot straps there, and just get on with it. Do what is right and God will’s look after you.”

Choices for life

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In life we are constantly faced with choices. We are blessed or cursed with the gift of free will, depending on your perspective.

From the smallest detail of “Do you want fries with that?” to “Do you take this woman to be your wife?” in America, we have endless choices.

People can choose to work hard and by doing so achieve great success and accumulate wealth. Some choose to dedicate their energies to benefiting humanity.

Each choice we make sets us upon a path. Even the simplest thing like having one extra cup of coffee in the morning could change your schedule enough to prevent you from being involved in an auto accident.

As I look back on my choices, there are some I would like to change in spite of the fact I do not know what path changing them would have brought. Nevertheless, I cannot change them; I only have the power over what lies ahead, not behind. I can only try to learn from those past choices.

Using my television exposure as a podium, I have spent much of my life speaking to youth about living a successful drug-free life. My work yielded the attention of the National Drug Abuse Resistance Education Officer’s Association. Consequently, they made me an honorary D.A.R.E. officer. I have encouraged thousands across the country to make the choice not to use drugs. I do not know if any made that choice. I can only hope that at least one did.

No matter how you try to influence others, the ultimate choice lies with them. With that choice also lies consequences. When you make a choice that affects you, your family or even others you do not know, it is up to you to take responsibility for what that choice brings.

Many times, people try to shift the blame if things are not going as they planned. I think we pick up this behavior as a child. It is the old “He did it” approach to avoid punishment. I do not know about you but that never worked for me. It only made the punishment worse.

Some years ago, I attended a teen/parent forum that included a discussion from both parents and teens on the issue of parents making choices for their children that affect other children. Choices such as providing alcohol for teen parties or even adults turning a blind eye to drug use by not being vigilant supervisors, as they should.

Some parents may say “I’d rather have them doing it where I can keep an eye on them,” but when other children are involved, I imagine their parents might like to have a say and an eye involved in the situation as well. At least that is what the parents at the forum said.

Each choice we make, in some way, affects someone else — sometimes people we do not even know, such as that driver who might be injured by a teenage drunk driver coming from a supervised party where alcohol was served.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not focusing on these parents exclusively. The teenagers admit that even if parents are not providing, some of them will find a way to get alcohol themselves from older siblings, buying it themselves at establishments which do not card them or by sneaking it from a parent when they are not watching.

Unfortunately, these teenage actions expand to various types of drugs, including prescription pills out of medicine cabinets as well.

No matter what choice you make, they are your choices. You ultimately have to live with what results from them. So, if you are making a life-changing choice, become informed about what may happen depending on which path your choice leads you.

Even if it turns out to be the wrong choice, at least you did not go down that path with blinders on.

What’s Next?

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I can remember standing nearby as I watched my mother move through business projects.

She would finish one task and from her mouth I’d hear the words, “What’s Next?”

In many respects that is how I have looked upon my entire life and career. I complete one task, one project, or reach a goal, then I refocus my attention on the next one at hand.

By flowing from task to task, always keeping one’s eyes looking forward, many goals may be achieved.

Many people rest upon the completion of objectives, spending time looking back at the achievement.

This can often be a great moment. That is as long as only a moment is spent looking back.

It is so easy to allow past successes to prevent our forward momentum.

Sometimes it is simply in getting tied to the ways we have done something and being unable to change as the world changes around us.

What’s Next?

The answer could be I need to re-evaluate why the latest project did not eclipse the success of an earlier one.

What’s Next?

The answer could be I should define a path that brings us closer to achieving a goal we have never even imagined we could accomplish.

What’s Next?

God grants each of us the ability to imagine it, the will to strive towards it, and the hope to achieve it.

I pray your “it” enlightens, emboldens and uplifts the world and all of us that wonder “What’s Next.”